posted by Milla — she=he, written by Hilde
The following is an email by Hilde, following this email, sent by myself.
SUBJECT: July 8th
I appreciate your rephrasing what you heard me say and generally I feel
understood when you say that I am longing for harmonious ways to
communicate. I feel a bit puzzled when you mention “it not
being enough for me that there are needs at the root”, as this gives me
the impression that analysis of the self is something that is not need
related?? I see it as serving my need for logical understanding of the
world. One of the discoveries I made while practising inner empathy is
that I’d like to keep my empathic self engaged and be sure to listen to
other parts of me as well, so that I am not led exclusively by my
analytical part because this tends to result in inner conflict.
i hear that you would wish for me to engage in a talk on the matters
No, not necessarily. I wanted to reciprocate in some way because
I feel that last summer’s happenings contributed to a sudden flash of
insight with a “BINGO” lottery effect on me. And I am curious to know
how you receive Inner Empathy, but I am also feeling relaxed and not in
a hurry about that. Right now I am comfortable with our conversation
but I had and still have no specific plans about stopping or continuing
i also hear that you would wish for me to be more clear with what i
mean when i say that i wish for vulnerability.
I felt puzzled when you wrote: “i’m not disappointed with your reply, i
experience it as you being open about what is going on for you. meets
my need for vulnerability and mutuality somewhat” I am trying to
understand what you mean by “my need for vulnerability”.
In my mind it conjures up images of; 1. one person wanting to feel
strong at the side of a vulnerable looking other person, or 2. two
people shivering together but finding support while being vulnerable
together, or 3. a person very much longing for connection and closeness
and relaxing and feeling close when noticing someone is spontaneously
showing some vulnerability, or 4. a person longing for safety and
relaxing when noticing that someone is offering vulnerability, or 5. a
combination of 3 and 4 or 6. somehting else…. So let me rephrase my
request: your need for vulnerability is it to serve the needs in 1, 2,
3, 4, 5 or 6?
ps. i’m trying to figure out ways that would feel more connecting for
me. i tried to find a way to record webcam as a response to your email,
hoping for ease on my part, and also that voice and image would
possibly take a bit of the ‘edge’ (the manifold interpretations) that
often accompanies the written word. I’m hoping to get webcam-recordings
working later. Which might make it easier for us to connect. Or at
least that i would feel more relaxed in trying to connect this way –
recording my responses and posting them on my blog – sending them to
your email as a link.
in general: if you’re interested in speaking on skype, then this would
be a more a more fun and efficient option for me than writing/reading
I understand that you long for more direct connection via skype etc…
and I can see how that creates a different kind of closeness and
company, a quality which I guess you are looking for very much?
I remember that you asked me about skyping last summer too and I feel
really nervous about that as I am trying to meet a specific set of
needs in this kind of correspondance. I really long for something
different from my daily activities in family full of people, I long for
a bit of intellectual challenge, some novelty, learning, meeting a
variety of people and in fact also for space, for connections without
the emphasis on closeness. I feel a bit worried that this reply may
disappoint you because I do want to contribute to your wellbeing in
some way, but I’d like that to be compatible with the needs that are
alive for me.
I’d love to hear from you what you feel as you read my reply.
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