AA agreement (safety)

by Milla –– she=he

Today’s song: Joan Armatrading – Save me

This is the concrete agreement that i and a friend worked out after having an argument during one of our early aa-talks on skype. We started about two months ago supporting one another online. The text below is a translation from swedish, of what we wrote down and both okayed after having a talk on what we would need to feel safe in our connection [stability, balance, equality, structure, trust, efficiency, clarity – to mention a few of the needs met by the strategies below]

To nurture a connection that provides safety for the both of us we’ve, so far, agreed on:

— having meetings on tuesdays 7.00 (usa) 17.00 (finland)
— to say in the beginning of the meeting if we need to change the day/time for the next talk

— to communicate (via email, sms, etc) if we won’t be able to meet (preferably 24 hours before, but also just before the meeting if we haven’t known about it until then – for instance: not seeing ourselves as mentally fit for a meeting)

— that conflicts will be discussed and dealt with as they come along:

a) that we can decline discussing topics that don’t directly relate to how we interact/relate with one another (eg. someone preferring apples to oranges)
b) that we can decline discussing a conflict directly relating to how we interact/relate with one another – *momentarily* (in the heat of the moment), and that the conflict will be processed next time we talk.

c) if it’s a difficult conflict, that we can agree on (verbally when we’re experiencing the conflict, or in written text at some later moment) that we both write an email to the other expressing how we’re experiencing the conflict, and that we both give a written response stating how we understood what we read + how we experienced reading what the other had written. this exchange will occur between the skype-meetings (between the meeting when we had the conflict, and the meeting that comes after)


— that we have equal amount of time, and time frames for the talks (eg. A talks for 20 minutes, B reflects what she hears. 5-10 minutes feedback on how the talk was experienced by both. B speaks 20 minutes, A reflects what she hears. 5-10 minutes feedback.)


One Response

  1. […] this be okay with you? – here’s an example of what i […]

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