Help !?

by Milla — she=he

I’m getting more precise than in my previous request:

sent as sms to +36704568197 —

“Hi daniel. I’m completely overwhelmed and would like to dump the technical solutions on how to do the voice/video-talk and have it recorded on you (and your network), can you take care of that? And could you let me know in 3-4 days how you feel about doing that? /milla”


6 Responses

  1. who allowed you to publish my phone number?

    i dont have any energy or time for all of this at the moment… sorry
    talk to you when i will… maybe somewhere in may or june

    • hi daniel,

      you wrote:
      “i dont have any energy or time for all of this at the moment… sorry
      talk to you when i will… maybe somewhere in may or june”

      dunno. sharing info with you that a friend sponsored a thing called pamela – a program to record skype conversations. i don’t know how it works and understanding something like that will take some time for me to get into. i won’t start with that process until i get a clear sign from you that you want to go on.

      if you ever find yourself in a more peaceful -.more safe – more willing mindset (or whatever mindset it takes for you) to continue our attempts on hearing one another out. i’m still here. i’m still willing. i still long to be heard, i still long to understand what went on for you during our interaction with one another.


  2. to answer your question: you didn’t allow me to publish your phone number.

    here’s mine: +358 50 35 40 595

    nobody allowed me to put it there – i just did. just as nobody allowed you to post on this blog – you just did.

    nobody allowed you to draw out a sensitive conversation for 6 months, and then asking me to write what i want to say in 1 or 2 sentences (i was disgusted by that remark).

    if you have any problems in relation to your phone number being in this blog post (?) – then i invite you to have a discussion about that here. i can’t read your mind, but i assume that it wasn’t a simple questions that you asked but you wanted to ‘say’ something with it?

    i’m infinitely sad that there’s no way for me to know the rules of how to behave with you so that i can get responses to what is urgent for me. i’m in a lot of pain. i want to have the talk on EMC. i want to know how to do it without having you say that i need to shorten my expression to 2-3 sentences for you to keep your attention to it.

    i don’t even understand what it is that you don’t have energy for? asking your network for help? time to deal with how you’re dealing with this now?

    i’m so angry. i don’t know what to do. who to ask for help. i don’t trust that you will have this talk with me. 6 months of nothing gives me little hope of that there will ever be time and space for me to TALK about what really MATTERS to me.

  3. to be a bit more clear in my response:

    i thank you for responding. the response was not very easy for me to understand (what feelings/needs) were there (you could be pissed off/tired/sad/hurt/annoyed … anything..)

    and you skipped entirely – responding to my question. so i don’t really feel heard. and there’s no clarity in whether you will help me or not. just that you’re out of energy (which could be that you haven’t eaten yet today, or didn’t get enough sleep last night, or are just having a bad moment … it can also mean that you are very depressed, that you are long-term out of energy … it can mean anything)

    so to be clear with you: i didn’t get much information out of your response.

  4. i have no clue what is going on. i only know what is going on for me. that i’m fucked up and just want to have this talk over with, and trying to find a way where i’m not too damaged having the talk – like now for instance writing text that it’s easy to be non-responsive to – that this would be harder to do in a voice talk – to claim that ‘i want to hear you out’ but just sit there silently, saying nothing.

    my best guess right now of what is going on for you daniel, is that there is no support in your network for you to deal with something like this?

    and that there is no clear structure for you to tap into for dealing with something like this (conflict between two persons involving power relations)?

    so when i ask for support in dealing with my pain from your network, you feel helpless?

    you’re feeling tired? confused? angered? sad? hurt? and you choose to stay silent to protect yourself from pain?

    this is the best guess i have at the moment. and it’s as good as any guess (it could also be that you’re reading these things and feeling and needing completely different things – i don’t know – i can just guess)

  5. […] Daniel is explaining this with the statement below [not talking about the whole period, but only the last three months of silence before contacting me again] . [Daniel 19:30] “Ah, if you mean, if you mean, by the three […]

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