by Milla — she=he
Note: I’m writing this blog post drunk.
Kind of thinking about why I have this big amount of misery in my life and how my understanding of things is so mismatched with others. Example of a sentence that triggers these questions:
This is Daniel saying that there are tons (thousands?) of people around her supporting her in reflecting on her gender-role. And at the same time, I have a background of asking for support in having a talk where these things could be reflected, and even asking Daniel if there would be anyone willing to support me in having this talk with her with ZERO response. Daniel’s PERSONAL RELATIONS are NOT POLITICAL!! (and Daniel using the ‘this is history’ -argument is absolute crap, cause i could say that about anything she says, like “so your childhood experiences are triggered when we talk and you feel unsafe – well get over it, that was decades ago!!”)
So when Daniel is now saying that there is a huge movement – tons of people – I’m (rather sarcastically) wondering: “when did this change happen in the Hungarian, Finnish, Whatever scene? And how come I’m not tapped into these thousands of people ‘dealing with it’. Am I just a crazy person not understanding anything about what’s going on?” That’s what I feel like I’m treated like at least – in this talk.
Since NOVEMBER! The same CRAP!
It’s so disturbing that this guy is saying that I’m a capable proponent of social change – and at the same time has NO CLUE that NOT SOLVING stuff and having all these TONS OF PEOPLE in the scene not communicating with me about this – Well this causes a space where “If this is the way it is. Daniel feels supported. And I myself notice no change whatsoever. Well I better leave so I don’t go under.”
It’s so sick listening to speeches about how ‘sexist men – sexist men should not be left out in the street to freeze and hunger’ (WHAT THE FUCK!) = ‘Let’s not talk about this now or ever and go and find some other space cause I DON’T WANT TO CHANGE.’
I would love to have the same glasses on — seeing this as ‘only’ Daniel — and not as a problem with the whole community, causing me, to leave, while Daniel can continue taking space that is including Spaces, Networks, Individuals — great. Daniel can’t fucking see it this way. But sees my point of view as something extremely harmful for sexist men! SOOO FUCKED UP!