by Milla — she=he
Being fragile. Vigilant. Posting to feel better. Safe in knowing that I’m with my own reality. And I’m not minimizing anything of what has happened. I’m important in my own life. My needs matter. I’m worth love.
Like big sadness there. Frowning forehead. And eyes on the verge of tearing up. So much longing to belong. Have friends. Matter. Okay, tears coming. I don’t want to be alone forever. Meaningless talks about the meaning of things.
This is a continuation of this talk:
[23:52] *** millaa [email@example.com] has joined #another_me
[23:52] *** millaa
[00:08] <millaa> i hate waiting. especially when it’s for someone with the habit of standing me up…grr..
[00:25] <millaa> feelings. sad. anger. disappointment. tired. a lump in my stomach and pulsating waves over my heart. needs. respect. consideration. trust. knowing that my needs matter. confused. hurt. suspicious. needs: care. i guess i’m back in a powerless state.
[00:30] *** VazsonyiD [firstname.lastname@example.org] has joined #another_me
[00:30] <VazsonyiD> hei
[00:30] <VazsonyiD> sorry i got your sms
[00:30] <VazsonyiD> my phone froze outside in the cold
[00:30] <VazsonyiD> and i thought i have half an hour still
[00:30] <VazsonyiD> not aware i said 0:00 EET
[00:31] <VazsonyiD> i thought 0:00 CET
[00:32] <millaa> can we use a talking stick again?
[00:33] <VazsonyiD> sure
[00:33] <VazsonyiD> –
[00:36] <millaa> are you okay waiting a while while i post a blog post. it would release some of the stress i feel in relation to us talking and everything that happens inside me (not out in the ‘real’ world, ‘just’ inside me).
[00:37] <millaa> –
[00:37] <VazsonyiD> sure i could eat dinner
[00:37] <millaa> posting some of the feelings and needs i have would ‘make it real’ for me, and give me the validification (or whatever you call it) that i need right now. posting is me taking myself and my needs seriously. so are you okay with waiting for a while?
[00:38] <millaa> % sorry.. long texts take longer to get posted. they come in delayed order… didn’t mean to interrupt your speaking turn.
[00:39] <VazsonyiD> yea
[00:39] <VazsonyiD> im up for a while so ok
[00:39] <VazsonyiD> –
[00:40] <millaa> so. when will you be back by the comp?
[00:40] <millaa> –
[00:40] <VazsonyiD> dunno
[00:41] <VazsonyiD> how much time do you need?
[00:41] <VazsonyiD> 20 min?
[00:41] <VazsonyiD> –
[00:41] <millaa> 20 minutes is okay. see you one o’clock my time. midnight your time.
[00:41] <millaa> –
Filed under: > Daniel, > Milla & The Ban |