win/win dispute resolution skills (nvc and conflict) #3

by Milla — she=he

Alex Censor's thoughts on privacy and conflict resolution. Alex is a certified cnvc trainer.

I unsubscribed from two online practice groups of nonviolent communication. In one of the two (first, second) feedback letters I wrote, I quote people from these forums. I wrote an email afterwards to the persons mentioned, and one person asked me to remove her name, which I did (she is now “XYZ”), Alex Censor, the founder and owner of the two communities I decided to leave, chose to respond to my feedback/concerns and to XYZ’s request in this way:


Privacy Policy in the groups and Milla’s reposting (WAS: “Re: feedback to automatic response (SynCom, PonderingNVC)”)


I haven’t read (and probably won’t) the particular text Milla quoted from you, but certainly support your desire to at least have your name not quoted in a public blog without your consent.
I’m guessing you would have liked Milla to demonstrate consideration for your needs by asking your consent BEFORE she posted your words, rather than telling you afterwards?
I have tried to protect members from such unwanted re-use of their postings and words (with or without identifying names) with the following confidentiality notice that has long been in our group’s files area (see below.)
Based your email and on the recent incidents of Milla quoting text from the group without consent of the writers I will in the future have that notice automatically sent out to all new members.
And I request that if any group member discovers similar repostings taking place in the future
and the file —
Which reads in part —
in joining this group members are agreeing to keep what goes on this this group private within the group, and to not without permission reuse
or repost,or forward to non-group members, particularly not in public, any words posted here..
It does go on to read that unfortunately —
On the other hand, although this group is private, and I, and I believe others,  make efforts to hold material posted here as confidential, and I have (or  until recently at least “had”) confidence that postings here do remain confidential, for many reasons it’s impossible to guaranty confidentiality.
So, If there’s some sensitive information, which if released could cause you or  others damage or pain, I ask you to assess for yourself whether the risk of it  leaking out is justified by the benefits of putting that information out in the group.If this is an issue for you, one way to increase your confidentiality might be to join the group under an assumed name”


If you go to that message on the group files area you might note that it will have a date indicating it was edited today.
That’s merely because I had to go into “edit mode” to check that it is set to be sent out to every new member. It’s actually been there since about 2006. And at least
(I’m not cc’d Milla with my response because for various reasons it does not meet my needs to have communication with her,
and my lack of optimism about her complying with requests to remove text from her blog (based on one incident in which a member requested she remove some of his text from her blog and she refused to do so) and my suspicion that my words would likely make her even less likely to comply with your request.
Given her propensity to repost other’s private words on her blog I request that no recipient of this email forward it to her.)
I have deep disappointment that in my desire to honor transparency and support free exchange and cut Milla slack I didn’t balance that against my desire to protect the privacy and integrity of the group and the other members and wasn’t more proactive in protecting group privacy from Milla’s behavior; with hindsight wish I had as soon as I became aware that she was posting group text  and private member emails outside the group requested she cease and blocked her access to the group if she didn’t.
I am relieved that she has left the groups as that at least puts a stop to her doing so in the foreseeable future and saves me the hassle of suspending her access myself.
And I request that in the unlikely event any group member discovers similar repostings in the future by anyone that they let me know so if there’s ever a “next time” with some other member I can in the future be more quickly proactive in trying to stop it.
Does that answer your questions regarding clarifying the privacy issue?
I suggest that anyone sending email to Milla, or anyone else you have such concerns about reposting your words, consider the possibility that she could, without checking with you, post all or part of your email publically in her blog, out of context, with your name, and could refuse to remove it if you objected.
One option for some protection would be to put copyright anything
(for example   “(c) copyright XYZ, 2010, all rights reserved”) as that might inhibit them and at least the options below become more viable.
Also, for what little it is worth, it would appear to me that in posting your words in her blog, if they are words taken from our group emails, without your consent she is out of compliance with her agreement in being a user of yahoogroups, as in the terms of service there it reads in part —
“You agree to not use the Yahoo! Services to:
upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available any Content that infringes  any patent, trademark, trade secret, copyright
or other proprietary rights (“Rights”) of any party;”
— and your words are automatically words you normally hold copyright to.
There is a procedure to advise Yahoogroups of violations of their terms of service but I would not have much optimism about them actually doing something useful to you in response.
If Milla will not consent to what you request you would may have more luck with these sort of protective use of force methods with the hosting service that hosts Milla’s blog.
There are detailed instructions on how to get someone to remove your words from their site.
Also at they offer a method where you can quickly inform them that her use of your words violates your copyright.
Although they apparently will quickly and automatically block the disputed content the person whose content is blocked does have the option of responding and making efforts to get it unblocked, etc.
I’m not sure it’s worth the effort, and wish you luck in getting a cooperative response from Milla.

One Response

  1. […] win/win dispute resolution skills (nvc and conflict) #3 « Another scene is possible, on September 14, 2010 at 6:10 pm Said: […]

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