by Milla — she=he
This is one out of three messages sent to me over facebook. I will comment on them later. I felt disturbed, bewildered and sad when reading them. This is what is:
30 August at 06:19
A comment made last week by someone else on your blog should perhaps be used as ‘form letter’ for all who’ve suffered similar fates:
‘So sad that you are struggling so hard to find the truth, when it is staring you right in the face. The problem, which is so easily apparent to anyone, is that you are so self-centered that you are incapable of understanding anyone’s point of view but your own. You demand constant attention and affirmation from everyone, yet you cannot give positive attention to anyone else. You tear people down. If anyone dares disagree with you, you publicly shame them. This leaves people feeling so horrible inside, yet you do not seem to understand or care how your actions affect others. It’s all about your feelings, your needs. You lack empathy. Sure you can talk in the abstract about how much you love women and want to create an egalitarian anarchist society. But this is just abstract. How can you build a society when you can’t build basic social relationships? You have a serious lack of empathy, perhaps counseling might help.’
Said comment was responded by you in typical fashion: minimizing her feelings, deflecting her message to you, acting the victim, leaving false open for friendship and further understanding (really just an open for further abuse…bait).
I believe you are incapable of ‘getting’ what I or others might say to you (and not because you’re not intelligent), especially once I/we are perceived as having ‘opposed’ or otherwise ‘trespassed’ against you.
I believe, even if you were capable (once that line of yours was crossed), you wouldn’t care.
(Off chance you might, I will say that you cannot cross someone’s specific sacred, safety boundaries ad nauseum–however silly you think they may be–and then expect them to be open, willing, friendly, generous of heart and mind and spirit to you. Especially when no gesture is made to show respect or understanding or mercy even, any sign might suggest a true willingness to ‘make peace’, explore solutions, grow, connect. Especially as you yourself react similarly, worse even, striking back harshly to perceived rejection, sexism, judgement, what have you, with quickness and vigor; then, once somewhat sated, you again seemingly ‘soften’ to open discussion–but not really.)
Any and all responses to your responses (following your initial perceived threat) are but fodder for more abuse, and it seems we bring it on ourselves for continuing to try.
I don’t believe you have a genuine interest in others beyond your immediate needs.
I don’t believe you have interest in understanding others, or the situation as it is in reality.
I believe, if you really did, you would make an attempt to meet them even 1/10 of the way.
I believe you have zero respect for the privacy of others. And zero respect for others’ boundaries. Or even a rudimentary understanding of others’ needs for both. If you do, this makes you even more dangerous.
Yet, despite previous observation, you still speak of the necessity of ‘safety’.
I believe you are ferociously passive-aggressive.
It is unclear as to whether you really do believe yourself a victim, or if that is your ‘persona’, per se. Perhaps your justification for abuse–‘shooting out’, so to speak.
Overall, I agreed with a trained professional said you seemed like a ‘bit of a sadist’, as you clearly find some satisfaction in control, manipulation, the public shaming of others. While (to you) appearing victimized, as well as calm, rational, gentle, generous, open (often using ‘EST’ and ‘confrontation group’ jargon).
I believe the way in which you perceive the world is deeply troubled. I believe this leads you to consistently misread and misinterpret the words and intentions of others (especially those that disagree with you), if not to entirely twist and/or pollute them–‘globalizing’ in the most extreme. (Or, at the very least, pretend that they are polluted, that you may again have justification for what follows.)
I will not speculate as to why. But I am sorry for it. And spend considerable amount of time, love, energy trying to avoid the same fate for others.
I believe the transgressions you consistently (incessantly, doggedly) accuse others of are exactly what you yourself do–the stereotyping, projection, transference, abuse, etc.
I believe it’s ironic the reason we ‘met’ was because I private messaged you that, though others were deriding you for doing so, I thought you were doing the right thing in defending a young woman’s having been publicly ‘outed’, on facespace and elsewhere, as having a personality disorder. I recall you had no problem with me sending you that message privately–quite the opposite, as you then sent me both facebook invite and a reply message asking we be ‘friends’. I believe the reason was because said message was in full agreement with you.
I believe even then there was mention in my first message of there always being at least two sides to every story, but that just the same, some things are nobody’s business to judge and especially expose to public scrutiny–a bottom line kind of thing, no matter who was right or wrong in the initial transgression(s).
I believe it’s ironic that this very first supportive private message was sent in the same spirit as the one I sent you about my personally not wanting to condemn Mr. Harris for the comment he made in that first clip on my note. And in the same spirit as my defense of you to others who warned me of your instability (particularly after your continuous requests to webcam/chat with me, even after I politely said I don’t do either). (In general, I believe we all have our issues, are all of us paradoxes, hypocrites, etc. I believe the only who deserve judgement, the only with whom I cannot find common ground with–because they are incapable of it–are sociopaths, who are robots, utterly unable to change.)
I believe pointing all this out is pointless. As well as the ethics and legalities of publicly posting someone else’s words/work (that Chameleon note was originally for ‘Friends only’), as well as an entire private chat, wherein personal intimacies were shared (while yes, others know of said abuse, it was I myself who told them, the only who has a right to do so), along with links to that person’s pages, who clearly did not grant permission. I believe referencing, quoting (with attribution), condemning is fine. But that is not what you did or will continue to do. Again, you do not ‘see’ and, even if you did, you would not care.
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