How is it done? (nvc and conflict)

by Milla — she=he

My guesses are: Pondering or Bored. Maybe both. Maybe Impatient. Maybe Something Else. What's your guess?

Online madness. I guess I’m learning something somewhere. I’m just not sure exactly what yet. Here posting some of my ponderings in a private email string i for whatever reason got invited to:


hello angus, alex, jonathan, XXXX, CCCC 🙂

i would like to express appreciation for the invitation to observe and take part in this (these) private thread(s) since i am very curious and wanting to understand how disagreements within this specific nvc community are approached and dealt with.

thank you angus for creating this small pocket of hope.

as far as i understand there is no transparent method presented for conflict resolution in spite of SynCom in its description promoting conflict resolution as one of the purposes for the group. [correct me if i’m mistaken] i myself have been told by jonathan to keep conflicts involving alex away from public postings in the group, and have yet not been presented with an alternative. i have witnessed coercion and diagnosing/pathologization in place of good-will and understanding. [and i’m willing to give concrete examples of this behavior from alex and jonathan as moderators of SynCom and Pondering — if only given space for it! where?]

i would like to have a space where it’s possible to speak of these experiences. is anybody in this thread interested in this topic?

OBSERVATION: what i observe here — in this thread — is that there is a conflict.

FEELINGS: i feel exhaustion and despair (mixed with boredom and impatience) in relation to what i imagine to be cross-talk and words attached with the weight of unspoken feelings and needs, and i have fears in relation to how my spoken feelings and needs will be received by the rest of the people in this thread (as demands instead of gifts) and i also fear some of the possible responses (silence. anger.)

NEEDS: a space where there’s a possibility for equal participation. where there’s  co-operation. clarity. mutuality. a common approach/understanding.

REQUEST: the specific topic for discussion/clarity that would interest me is a common understanding (and following that a shared awareness with the rest of the SynCom/Pondering-community) on the concrete approach(es)/method(s) of conflict resolution that can be called upon/requested in these nvc spaces.

this would give me hope that this is a place where we can “walk the talk” or “practice what we preach”. a place created and motivated by the stuff that dreams are made of.

take care,


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