Unexamined life is not worth living (nvc conflict)

by Milla — she=he

The man on the bed, has been quoted to have said: "I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance." What you see in the picture is Socrates taking poison as punishment for thinking out loud. In ancient Greece philosophizing could be lethal.


Even after he has been convicted by the jury, Socrates declines to abandon his pursuit of the truth in all matters. Refusing to accept exile from Athens or a commitment to silence as his penalty, he maintains that public discussion of the great issues of life and virtue is a necessary part of any valuable human life. “The unexamined life is not worth living.” (Apology 38a) Socrates would rather die than give up philosophy, and the jury seems happy to grant him that wish.”

I’m one of the privileged. Speak different languages. Have gone to school. I can read and write, and living in Finland, I would have access to free education if I wanted to.

I’m one of the fortunate. In the miserable country I’m living in, where social culture is all about how to keep oneself distant. Drinking, and cursing — why care about social relations when there’s social welfare and a booming mental health business — anti-depressants are as common as painkillers are on HangOver day. The Finnish Kalsarikännit neatly wraps the culture up in one word – UnderwearBlotto – sitting at home, in your underwear, alone, in a drunken stupor.

The people in this country have access to all and take it for granted. Believing in free travel – working and living wherever we want in the world – and believing just as strongly that others should not have equal access to what’s ‘ours’. What’s inside the nation boundaries are for Finns Only.

So here I am. One of the privileged. One of the fortunate. I have choice. And I have something that is truly unwanted in this society — Curiosity. I’m lucky to recently have met a  person as wonderfully gifted in questioning everything as I am. I get the mental stimulation I need when speaking with her. Well. She’s no longer in Finland. And I’ve been isolating myself. At home. Alone. Not drunk. But spending endless hours online — another addiction. I’m obsessed with learning. I have a need to know myself. Thinking. Feeling. Trying to understand. I want to know my pain, and I want to transform it. I want to come close to my numbness and see what it hides. I’m a mad combination of depression and creativity. I’m healing and tearing up fresh wounds. All at the same time. Trying to figure out how to make human interaction work.

I can’t deal with social relations. And yet I try. The curious friend was an enormous support for my sanity in the beginning of a conflict I’m experiencing within two NVC groups called Synergycommunication and PonderingNVC — my current online obsessions. I got on the groups since I wanted support in learning NVC on a practical level. I’m not surprised I got into conflict. It’s common enough in my life. At least I don’t get killed for opening my mouth. In my case the incredulous reactions to my speaking most often lead to social exclusion, and my mental health experiencing a serious beating. But nothing lethal.

These groups have been an amazing learning experience. Starting off raw and violent. After the first conflict surfaced, I was repeatedly suggested by the owner and moderator of Synergycommunication that I would make a good choice for myself leaving the group. I didn’t know what to hold on to. What I was supposed to learn. Now — after two months — I’ve found my feet. I have some basic idea of ‘how to do’ NVC. Sometimes I can stand there by myself. Sometimes I crawl through the madness dragging my feet behind. The friend who gave me support and sanity-checks, when I was crawling, outed herself as a philosopher during the time we got to know each other. The other day I asked her to recommend a film and the suggestion I got from her got me thinking that it’s about time I out myself too: Unexamined life is not worth living. I won’t take a cup of poison, but I won’t shut up either.


From my exploration on ‘SynCom’ and ‘Pondering’:

I am not willing to dialogue at SynCom because i have a need for
clarity and consistency in relation to the methods used for moderation
in general, and of my posts, in particular. The current method does
not meet my need for consistency and harmony with the intent of NVC
– connecting, and together finding strategies that meet all the needs –
I want my needs to matter and be valued equally in dialogue with
the moderators.

Also, I am currently not willing to dialogue at SynCom, since there’s nobody, to my knowledge, moderating or releasing my posts to this space.

To be continued..


2 Responses

  1. So sad that you are struggling so hard to find the truth, when it is staring you right in the face. The problem, which is so easily apparent to anyone, is that you are so self-centered that you are incapable of understanding anyone’s point of view but your own. You demand constant attention and affirmation from everyone, yet you cannot give positive attention to anyone else. You tear people down. If anyone dares disagree with you, you publicly shame them. This leaves people feeling so horrible inside, yet you do not seem to understand or care how your actions affect others. It’s all about your feelings, your needs. You lack empathy. Sure you can talk in the abstract about how much you love women and want to create an egalitarian anarchist society. But this is just abstract. How can you build a society when you can’t build basic social relationships? You have a serious lack of empathy, perhaps counseling might help.

    • by milla

      i hope you experienced some relief in venting. it usually helps for me. if you want to go deeper into the pain you’re experiencing in relation to what’s written here on this blog or possibly somethings that has occurred in other spaces and for some reason are haunting you and leaving you with all these negative feelings: shame, hurt, pain. distress, anger, resent, then i welcome you to speak more about it here.

      i can resonate in the longing you express for meaning and consistency — connection, understanding, support, and empathy. maybe we could find ways to meet our needs together?

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