by Milla — she=he
I’m doing some work on myself as usual. Reading up on racism. Learning NVC-nonviolent communication. I posted a self-empathy exercise that I was doing with a friend. We didn’t work through the whole thing though. So I decided to put my “Jackal Show” on this blog, and see if I can find someone who would be willing to work on it with me, here.
As a first step I’m posting the first part of the self-empathy exercise – The Jackal Show – the way it looks like unprocessed and raw 🙂
“2. The Jackal Show: Just start writing. Don’t watch your words or try to “be nice”. Just
let it flow. This is called the Jackal Show. You can write all about what ‘they’ have
done to you, what they have created, what they’ve destroyed. You can express all your
pain and anguish, your fears and outrage, your judgments, thoughts, analysis of the
situation and whatever else comes to mind. Do this until you have nothing left to say.”
After ending up in conflict on an NVC practicing list, this is what went on in me:
I hate that stuck up ignorant asshole, A. Judge – I mean the name says it all – the guidelines for the forum is a mess and the people on it are sheep. There’s no fairness or justice. One ignorant dictator saying one thing as the truth not having to prove anything.
The people on the list are unaware of their judgmental attitude. And that there is judgmental guilt tripping going on. And that it’s said over and over again “Are you aware that the guy is losing money” as if I’m some “case” “benefiting” and “ungrateful” not “valuing” this self-righteous Dick head enough.
As if I would have anything to learn from that Stupid, lying, manipulative Male Chauvinist.
Completely ignoring me and then trying to force intimacy as if I’m breaking some “RULE” by not feeling okay, having to FIGHT to be heard in order to get my needs met.
Scared little shit!
I have a need for LEARNING and I can’t do that without reciprocity.
The guy is INSANE and I’m asked to deal with it as if it’s “normal” as if I have no pain as if my pain is not real as if it’s a burden.
I’m tired of having to be a “grown-up”. I just want to scream and scream and scream.
Cause they are not going to change. They will not make the effort.
Click this to continue: Once More, With Feeling
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