A sick joke

by Cunt Incognita, VITTU in Finland — she=he

My stomach turned when I read this poster. Life is a sick and very cruel joke.

I saw a poster for the 8th of March on a woman’s facebook wall. When I clicked on the image my stomach turned. I feel seriously ill seeing Daniel pretending antisexism while in reality remaining out of touch and non accountable.

I WANT SOME BOUNDARIES WORKED OUT WITH THIS GUY. AND I WANT HELP WITH GETTING THOSE BOUNDARIES CLEAR. I want help with not having to see this non accountable person’s face around. I don’t want to be a ghost in this community. I want to be taken seriously.

I sent a message to Daniel over facebook with a link to this post. Subject line: how about some accountability? do you discuss and practice that in the group? or is it all about image?

I also sent messages to the persons who gave the poster a thumbs up, asking if they could help me with confronting a sexist man. I doubt that there will be any response. Antisexism is still just lip-service and non-related to Real Practice in the communities I’m familiar with. Two of the persons liking the poster do not give a shit about the subject so I skipped the degrading effort of sending anything to ‘Redjade InHungary’ and Péter Lőrincz.



And this is what I sent to a woman, who said she could pass on some questions to the men’s group:

hello XXXX ❤ ❤

i hope somehow that we share the same feeling of things being Very Surreal.. And that we both have a deep dark sick sense of humor.. otherwise this would be pretty hard to swallow (i feel sick when writing this). You can pass on the mail and my questions as is, to the persons mentioned in it. This is not very structured. I’m completely fucked up (to be honest) >>

The questions I have for Duncan, Lucas, Tom, and Daniel
as well as any other man relating to this so called

“male anti-sexist self-therapy group” that Daniel is doing workshops about


1. How do you as males relate to the fact that a man — Daniel — in your group claims to have been sexually abused by females — myself included — and as well claims that this has “been discussed” when passing this information on to friends of mine? (the matter has NOT been discussed and came as a total shock to me and ended with a ruptured friendship. simply put: my friend went nuts — and so did i)

2. How do you communicate your methods and >> in what way the self-therapy is practiced << within the group to men? And in what way is the self-therapy anti-sexist?

3. How do you communicate your methods and >> in what way the self-therapy is practiced << within the group to women? And in what way is the self-therapy anti-sexist?

4. How do you as anti-sexist group/individuals relate to transparency with your activities in relation to women/feminist? How do you keep yourself accountable and open to criticism in relation to women/feminists?

5. How do you relate to women wanting help with confronting, and or having boundaries set in relation to men taking part in the group? How do you relate to that as a group? How do you relate to that as individuals? (for example: I would like to have some help in getting boundaries set in relation to Daniel)

6. Could you give a description of the process in relation to the mails I’ve sent to the group, individuals of the group? Have you read these mails? Have you talked about these mails? How did these talks go? Were there any conclusions?

7. Does the group/individuals support the workshop held by Daniel? If the answer is yes: Why? If the answer is no: Why? Was there anybody from the group present when the workshop was held?

I will repeat what a friend of mine asked you:

Before saying anything about the group that isn’t specifically related to issues with Dani and Milla I want to say that while I can appreciate that there can be value in having mens only spaces where men can talk to each other freely to explore their own issues I hope you can understand why, right from the outset, women and feminist groups might be wary of mens organizations, and so would desire transparency in regards to policies and procedures. Not just policies about how to handle issues regarding male members sexism towards women in their personal lives, but even policies regarding decision making and discussion management.

Now I want to talk about Milla’s issues with Dani directly. As I understand it, you are specifically a group against male violence. Milla, a radical feminist woman, has stated that Dani has abused her and continues to lie to women, and to hurt women. Having a member in your group who has been abusive towards women isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I do not know if therapy to help such men understand they have a responsibility to the women in their lives is something that you do as an organization, for example.

All I know, is that there is a woman, who wants to confront a man in your organization about sexism and abuse, that she has asked for the group to come up with strategies for how to deal with this specific situation and for similar situations, and for these strategies to be made transparent. This seems like a fair request, but there has been no response from your organization.

So I add my name to a list of people concerned about the lack of transparency regarding our organizational principles, strategies and policies, particularly as they apply in this specific issue.

Please respond to this issue,

I sincerely hope
for a clear response

Milla Ahola


2 Responses

  1. boring. can you switch the topic and the people?

  2. by Milla

    Hello n.n

    you said: “boring. can you switch the topic and the people?”

    If you are bored with the topic why don’t you start one that is interesting for you? Something that touches your life? I am not here for your pleasure, I’m not a juke-box.

    you made this comment at the same time:

    “the truth is painful isn’t it? just accept it. learn how to accept criticism.”

    i don’t know if this is self-reflection on your side and you speaking in general on how difficult it is for us to deal with our self-images and having them mirrored in others realities?

    i guess i take your one line sentences as some kind of bitter way of rejecting my mirroring of what is happening in a community that you might feel close to (morze?). and that you might even be one of the persons criticized by me on this blog.

    the truth is: i don’t know. do you care to develop your thoughts? make this a bit more interesting?

    some interesting facts that have come out in the last few days:

    — Daniel did this workshop without the consent/approval of the men’s group. (Is this a part of the “anti-sexist therapy”?)
    — A man in the men’s group revealed not only this piece of information but also talked about the conflict that I’m having with Daniel with a woman, and said that the group is interested in helping me out.
    — Neither I, nor anybody else contacting this group has received this welcoming piece of collaborative information. (I heard it through the woman, when I asked her why the hell Daniel is doing anti-sexist therapy workshops in her community)

    — It is a mystery to me how the group practices anti-sexism, cause in reality they are managing very well to maintain the usual crazy-making power relations when they’re ignoring me, and at the same time speak about me with others as if “they’re working on it”…


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