Stacy & Milla [3:7]

by Milla [she=he]

For further background on this discussion check this post

>> CONFRONTING MISOGYNY >>

In the video I’m talking with Stacy about feminism, my exclusion from the Helsinki social center, and about her saying that I raped a man called Daniel. A man I had a very abusive intimate relation with, and that I would still like to confront on fucked up behavior.

For further background on the fucked behavior read

>> EVERYDAY MALE CHAUVINISM >>

I will write more on this talk later. Below the video is a transcript of what is said.

Milla: I’ve also done a naked demonstration where two persons told me that I had two choices, either I walk out myself or they will drag me out, and they did. They started dragging me out of the house. And also that three times I was standing outside a house meeting, very politely waiting for all the other important agenda points to go through, so that I could go in. And all the time being blocked, also by Taru, who said that she was really working on this issue. She’s been lying a lot about how the conflict resolution process has been going, so when you say that I have privilege in this case, I would say that maybe you’re talking from your own point of view, and how you’ve been taking in what I have said before, but you can’t speak for the larger group, or larger community in that sense, because I as a person bringing in these issues, and continuing talking about it, can not say that I’ve been supported, or that people have been willing to sit down and like, in a civilized way, hear me out and then try to do something constructive about it. So that is not true from my point of view. That I have privilege in this case.

Stacy: Well, yeah, not with the people in general but I think with male activists, you have a privilege. But let me correct one thing, Dani has been open and admitting about all the sexist acts that he has done, that is one thing that I count for his favor.

Milla: You can talk from your perspective again, that you have in a non-transparent way communicated with Dani, and a part of this communication came out on my Facebook wall where you said that I had raped Dani and that I should stop stalking Dani. And then you were saying as well that Dani says that we’ve been talking about this. So the communication that you have been having with Dani, in private, is not something that I’ve been taking part of, so the things that you say that Dani admits to, is very strange to me, when it’s kind of apparent and out in the open that this person has been lying to you and that you have passed on these lies. So, I can’t agree with this perspective either.

Stacy: Dani does not want to have anything to do with you any longer. He doesn’t even want me to be the middle woman, between him and you. It was already going against his will, to publish that little caption, that I did about the coercion that I called — falsely — rape. And for you I recommend, really, just to stay out the social center scene, far away. Because I think those people are pathological. I think I’m pulling off myself, yeah some good times but, it the heck isn’t worth it. You know, I have been talking with Ulla and with Hannu and so forth, and I think Hannu has very much sense in what he is saying. And it’s hard for me to convince you but I have been in a way, thinking your best in this issue.

Milla: Yeah, you can not really convince me about that, because it’s not what I felt throughout the whole process that lasted for a month of different threads on the internet, and as I said, before we started filming, and I think in the beginning as well that, it’s been very abusive the language you’ve been having and very labeling. And it’s not a sensitive way of dealing with it for a person who’s been in my position. I can still not understand why you are saying that it is a lie that’s proven when I say that Taru told me together with two other women, that I would be welcome to a demonstration, that should be open for everyone, but I was told that I would be welcome and that I could go to a party afterwards as long as I did not talk about feminism. This was said to me clearly.

Stacy: I should probably consult Pähkinä about this, because apparently … I have hard time understanding why she would make such a statement. You know, why only you should not talk about feminism, but for instance I could talk about feminism. But, what is bad in your special way of dealing with feminism, and I know what it is, it’s pushing people into corners, it is aggressive – I do not care about it, if it is aggressive – but it is a bad tactic. In my opinion. It doesn’t lead anywhere, Dani is not becoming a better person if you keep, as he says, stalking him. He just becomes more pissed off. And I remember the first time Dani came to my apartment, he wrote in his blog how he went to downtown Helsinki and he was actively defending a woman, that was being chased. How could a man like he is, have a change of mind and become a brutal sexist and misogynist just like that.

Milla: It was me who got us involved in that situation. It was a man who was shouting outside a bar, or being aggressively loud towards a woman, and then after a while the man was hitting her, so we crossed the street because … I took the initiative to that, I usually do that in that area in Kallio, where there is a lot of open abuse of women, especially partners, and then Dani was kind of tagging along, and we talked about the situation afterwards, and then Dani was talking about other violent situations where there has been men involved, so Dani didn’t see a gender perspective on this, at all, in that situation, when we talked about it afterwards, so there’s not really that awareness in Dani about these issues.

Stacy: I wonder if I do have that perspective either or if you have that perspective because I think … I have also written that you have an alcoholic type of personality, and that you are seen as such a person, as a bar brawler, and I see women starting a fight and slapping at men all the time in bars, and what should a man do, should he just swallow all the abuse that comes from women, and the anger builds up, you know, men get slapped all the time, and the anger builds up, and then one day he’s gonna retaliate on some innocent woman that is not going to slap back. That is the exact point that I have been trying to make. The violence, male violence and sexism doesn’t go away by driving men into corners. That is a destructive tactic that you have chosen.

<< Stacy & Milla [2:7] …    Stacy & Milla [4:7] >>

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