by Milla [she=he]
For further background on this discussion check this post
In the video I’m talking with Stacy about feminism, my exclusion from the Helsinki social center, and about her saying that I raped a man called Daniel. A man I had a very abusive intimate relation with, and that I would still like to confront on fucked up behavior.
For further background on the fucked behavior read
I will write more on this talk later. Below the video is a transcript of what is said.
Milla: The only thing we talked about was that I tried to kiss Dani with an open mouth. We were fully clothed, I never made any attempts or made any coercion towards having intercourse with this person. And I find that so hardcore … I don’t know, just breaking down as a human being, when I try to talk about really sexually abusive behavior where this person has you know, asked to strangle a woman, when she’s drunk, and then having sex with her, and this woman does not remember it afterwards. I’m not saying that I’m an angel myself, that I’ve also been completely drunk and having sex with people, and there has not been like, real consent, or things like that, but it’s like, just getting a perspective on things that I don’t have a repetitive abusive behavior, or coercive behavior in the same way as Dani has. And I’m not refusing to talk about it either. So there is a difference there. And plus this thing that you’re saying that, I have a rabid misandry, that I am manipulative, that I have a lack of seductive skills, that I have … I mean, it’s just been a list of insults basically, that you have not made any point to prove to be true, in a sense, it’s just gone on a personal level, and with this you have no understanding whatsoever why I would, you know, just be fed up with the situation where I try to deal with something that I find really oppressive on a personal level, for a longer time, and then you come and you add on top of that, and then that you ask me to be caring, giving, understanding, and saying that I as a person born with female genitals, have privilege in this situation, that I’m going through, which is hardcore not true, and you are proving that point openly, when you are with really misogynist statements, protecting a man from getting confronted. But yeah, the first points about … I still stand by the fact that I was told not to speak about feminism in the social center.
Stacy: Can I talk? Well, it seems that you are changing it all the time, because now it seems that it is your way of … it is your brand of feminism that is not accepted there, and I can very well understand that. Because I do not see it leading to any real results with Dani because, I think it is more like an emotional, mental problem that he has to go through with himself. As to the false charge of you raping Dani, it is there for me to apologise, but you admit to being coercive towards him, and you have admitted to being abusive in relationships, as you just said. I do not know about that repetitive pattern with Dani versus with you, I do not have such a scope for things. And, I think, I profoundly think that you have a privilege over Dani, because he’s male, and if he says that, you know, “Milla is crazy” or “Milla is wrong” that totally proves that he is indeed a sexist, and he is using his male power, privilege, and therefor I would tread really gently on cornering males. I see it as a tactical issue only, I do not think male sexists are cool anywhere, not in prisons, not anywhere else, so I do not really get your point that they get so much support, because Dani is not cool with social center folks either, they are not patting his back for him being sexist. What else?
Milla: Can I add?
Milla: That I still haven’t gotten a clear idea. You’re saying that the situation that I described, that Taru plus two other women, came over to my house, Pähkinä was there as a witness, and that I was told that I was welcome to participate in a demonstration, and go to the party afterwards, as long as I did not talk about feminism, this is something that I describe as a factual thing that happened, and you have told now that it’s proven that this is not true, so I would like to understand how come …
Stacy: You have said differently, like you now even said that you know, first that you are creating such and such an atmosphere, at first, and then it was about feminism. I connect those two together. Your kind of dealing with feminism, creates an uneasy atmosphere. I can understand it, for males, it creates an uneasy atmosphere, because they feel cornered. Pushed in corners. And the usual reaction with males in that situation is violence. Not against you, because you are privileged, people are discussing with you, that’s great, but probably with someone else. You are seen as a strong person, they take violence on someone else. The same with me, I’m a strong person, people are pleasing with me, they take violence on someone else.
Milla: Okay. I can say that you are talking with me now, but you’ve had a really abusive way of discussing issues, saying that I am in a certain way, instead of asking me about things, and I could mention several cases where it’s not been possible for me to speak with people. You’re telling me that people are willing to talk with me and that is exactly the issue that I have with the social center, for instance, where you’ve went with me to the social center, and we were dragged outside, so I can talk – you know, it’s like the communication police or something, you can have a conversation there for a while, but it doesn’t really lead to anything in the end, I can’t confront the people who are responsible for pushing me outside, and I can’t confront the abuse that they’ve put me through. So you’re saying that people are like, civilized with me, while in fact you were also pulled by Markus, trying to drag us out, and you had a finger in your face, where the guy like, I think the guy is taller than you, and saying like “Shut the fuck up!” I don’t think that that’s kind of … you know, that people are willing to discuss things.