Stacy & Milla [1:7]

by Milla [she=he]

For further background on this discussion check this post


In the video I’m talking with Stacy about feminism, my exclusion from the Helsinki social center, and about her saying that I raped a man called Daniel. A man I had a very abusive intimate relation with, and that I would still like to confront on fucked up behavior.

For further background on the fucked behavior read


I will write more on this talk later. Below the video is a transcript of what is said.

Stacy: Okay, well, first of all I want to say that I wanted to make peace, and it is not that I agree with everything that Dani is saying, it is just that my intuition with Dani tells that he has some correct points. And I had never any intention to hurt you although I admit that the matters that I have brought up have been hurtful, but my intentions have been good. I want this to be clear: I want you to leave Dani alone. Do not contact him in any way. I think he has a personal process, and he needs time and space to go over it, inside his head. From what I know about him, what you have told, what he has told, he is a pretty messed up person psychologically, and emotionally, and I think you have never had a real relationship as to loving each other, more like clinging to each other in an addictive manner, or codependent manner, so I think for both of you it is the healthiest way, to break the relationship off, and with Dani I would not recommend that he would enter into any relationships until he has made up in his mind what really is wrong about him, and what he is really seeking in those screwed up relationships that he is having. You have a valid point that the pro-feminist violence group is like, secretive, and I do not like that either, but I assume that they have had similar ways of dealing with male violence as with violence groups in prisons, and well, my point is just: Give him time, and you could forget about him, and sure he’s guilty as hell, but I’m not totally one hundred percent reliant on you. You have been caught with distorting facts, such as with Taru and ze saying that, you know, feminism should not be discussed in the social center. So I think you have been dishonest, but I can understand that, but I can not stand by you, and defend your cause against those people in the social center and scene, when you have such a … when you are vulnerable in that way. Someone would come out and point that you are dishonest. It would make me seem ridiculous, people are laughing at me, here I went and trusted, I bought your stories, and now they can prove that they are false, so it’s me that am taking blame on this, I totally agree with you in the social center scene being sexist and misogynist, and Dani does also, there was a case with Karla Kylmäkoski receiving the exact same treatment. I think it is a sick and cultic community, you are perfectly right on that issue, but you know, it gets clouded by your own behavior, that is why I do not dare to stand by you, if I can choose I would stand by Karla who does not apparently have the same personal scandals as you have, or Dani who has some scandals and also hate the social center scene, but nobody is going to get on me if I side by Dani with some issues, except for you.

Milla: Is it my turn to speak?

Stacy: Go ahead.

Milla: Okay. I don’t understand what you’re talking about when you say that there has been proof of me lying, in the case of Taru, and I think, yeah, Pähkinä was also there, and she can vouch for that this was true, that Taru plus two other women came over, as a conflict resolution team, and they told me that I would be welcome to join a demonstration with the social center, and that I could go to the party afterwards, but that I would not be welcome to a workshop weekend, after in the house, because, they thought that that might cause an unpleasant atmosphere. This was after I had been banned from the social center, and at that point, I was told that I was welcome to join the demonstration and the party as long as I did not speak about feminism, so that is something that is very clear, and I’m sure that Pähkinä could vouch for this as well, so I don’t understand what you mean about this not being true. Apart from this, cause I want to continue, apart from this I find it really difficult that you take in information and then you kind of just spit it out as if it was the truth. And that was really hardcore shocking for me, to read over Facebook that, “Milla, you should not confront Dani, because..” You said in a few sentences that you thought it was hypocritical of me to direct or push Dani towards taking contact with the Stop Male Violence group, or the group in Budapest, working with these issues, since I had raped Dani, and that I should stop stalking this person. And I found that, you have a really insensitive way of dealing with this, instead of asking: “I have had this information, what do you think about this?” Instead you took it as the truth, that Dani said that “Oh we’ve already discussed this”. The few sentences that you have passed on, it’s clear to me that Dani is absolutely manipulative in her way of talking about the situation, and it’s a clear blatant lie, that we have talked it through.

>> Stacy & Milla [2:7]

Posting some comments on this blog post made on Facebook. In the purpose of self-support:


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