To Kali (about Dani & Solidarity between women)

by Cunt Incognita (Kunda in Prague)

milking_wimmin

I’m still obsessing about the hurt love in relation to the interaction that went on with Dani for about a year. The guy is still not taking clear actions towards dealing with the abusive, sexist behaviors she’s exposed me to.

I’ve tried to talk with a woman she’s intimately involved with about getting support in getting over the hurt and possibly help in expressing the importance of dealing with this. I’m getting really tired of people not willing to talk, so. Recently I put an ‘ultimatum’ on her facebook wall. She deleted it for some reason. So, here I go again. Expressing my feelings and needs in public on this blog.

To Kali:

i notice you took my last comment away.

so i choose to repeat: if you dont feel like communicating with me, and have negative feelings towards me that you don’t feel like dealing with further by talking it through. (feelings that i see as projections and blaming – maintaining sexist power relations between individuals in the oppressive patriarchal system we’re all existing in)

and if you don’t care about how dani behaves towards other women and care enough to guide this guy to dealing with her shit (for real) then i don’t really see any point in why you keep me as a friend on facebook. (would you be okay with dani being sexist to other women you know?)

i need to be surrounded by people who care to talk about stuff that hurts (and i feel you have a seriously protective attitude in relation to dani, and a negative shaming blaming attitude towards me) and if you don’t want to talk it through (not even meet face to face) i really don’t see why we should be “friends” on facebook.

or please make an effort to explain your point of view on why it’s cool to maintain a relation that you don’t feel good about? talk about it. or: a few clicks and you will not have to face uncomfortable realities anymore (deal with it in the same way as dani..) take direct action and kick me out of your faceboook.

[and still: whatever you choose – engaging in real honest open dialogue or kicking me out – you are always welcome to talk with me if you would ever feel a need to get support in hurts and damage caused by dani’s behavior. no time limit set for this offer. the time and place for it would be: whenever you would feel the need.]

that’s all.

And a song expressing a reality I wouldn’t be able to live with, and that I – as a woman hurt by Dani – am seeing as Kali’s reality at the moment. The reality of many women I guess, in hetero-poly relations:

Friends tell me I am crazy
That I’m wasting time with you
You’ll never be mine

That’s not the way I see it
Cause I feel you’re already mine
Whenever you’re with me
People always talk about reputation
I don’t care about the other girls

Just be good to me

Friends are always telling me you’re a user
But I don’t care what you do to them

Just be good to me

You may have many others
But I know when you’re with me
You are all mine

Friends seem to always listen
To the bad things that you do
You never do them to me

Just be good to me in the morning
Just be good to me in the afternoon or evening
Just be good to me

I’m not the jealous type
I won’t let you down when you need me
I’ll be around
I’ll be good to you
You’ll be good to me
And we’ll be together, be together

Be nice to me
Be sweet to me

Just be good to me


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3 Responses

  1. Nice for pointing out that song, I’ve heard it but never thought about the contents.

    I do not think that being friends with someone in facebook means anything.

    And propably it should have been clear already since for a while ago that Kali won’t be your ally against Dani for time being.

    • hello antti,

      it was someone called markus who talked of the song, when i was talking about the situation with not being able to talk with kali about these things, and how frustrating that felt being in the same city.

      i had never thought about what the lyrics mean until then. (the original is done by a group called SOS band).

      i think being related to people who share love or struggle means something. and i have a certain way of relating to that. i don’t like indifference. or refusal to deal with differences. [supporting exclusion of the people labeled trouble makers]

      and the last sentence i don’t understand: what makes it clear to you that Kali wouldn’t care (for me or herself or dani)? we’ve had a talk since this blog post. it’s moved on from total hostility and hiding to some kind of relating to one another. i know that people change here and there. and that communications can break off at any moment for whatever random (or specific) reason. but stll. at the moment it’s better than ever..

      and i don’t see it as being “against” dani. maybe against dani’s sexist behaviors. but definitely *for* this persons humanity. somewheren that this person has the capability of dealing with the harm done. [possibly, maybe]

      dunno. i’m not “against” anyone.

      i might not be able to relate in a cool and calm and collected way to their ways of relating to me or to others. but it’s the behaviors i’m criticizing and want to get rid of or challenge. not the existence of the person. [even though there are a lot of people whose company i wouldn’t choose, i’m not like you. i wouldn’t support voting a person out.]

      • we’ve had a talk since this blog post. it’s moved on from total hostility and hiding to some kind of relating to one another.

        Then my quick assessment was wrong – good for you.

        and i don’t see it as being “against” dani. maybe against dani’s sexist behaviors.

        well, I wrote the first for a shorthand of the second. But obviously there is a certain difference between these.


        even though there are a lot of people whose company i wouldn’t choose, i’m not like you. i wouldn’t support voting a person out.

        No big difference between these two.

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