by Cunt Incognita (Fotze – Wien, 216 km from Budapest)
Cunt Incognita – Fotze – is in Vienna, 216 km away from Budapest, the scene of a gruesome totalitarian, authoritarian exclusion of a radical feminist cunt traveling in peace.
Looking forward to visit the conference: “How feminist is the left? How left is feminism?” and at the same time trying to get the undiscussible scheduled for a talk in neighbouring country Hungary.
Here’s what was just passed on in the negotiations for an open discussion culture and fair decision making process within the Budapest community flat, infoshop, freeshop activity.
Hopefully the conflict can be solved in another way than the usual patriarchal war (right/wrong, winner/loser) way.
Hopefully power play can be replaced with dialogue.
this is something that concerns you both, since you were both part of the decision making process (taking different roles) behind the attempts to exclude me from the community flat, infoshop and freeshop, before even coming to Budapest.
i consider this to be a political exclusion, not only relating to how radical feminists are being treated in the movement, but also related to how the Discussion Culture and Decision Making is not done according to this “antiauthoritarian” political model that the infoshop in Budapest is supposed to represent:
see the flyer —
“People who come to Budapest for the first time can get in touch with the antiauthoritarian political underground.” — a total lie in my case.
This is in relation to what you, (h), wrote to me before I came to Budapest:
YOU # 1: But answering any useful info to you would mean that I would feed the contact and both the activist/anarchist scene would tell me – how can you do things before discussing it with us etc, i mean serious things etc.? and both you would be in a position that can split the “process” here. (i hate this expression just a bit less then the term “project”)
1a) I would like to know what you mean with the word “process”.
1b) I would also like to know how me visiting Budapest would “split” the process. What concrete actions that would cause this “split”, and also what
1c) effects such a “split” would have (negative, positive. is it unwanted / wanted?)
1d) I would also like to know what you mean when you’re referring to the “activist/anarchist scene” telling you can’t pass information – such as, for instance, telling people who are interested in meeting with an anarcha-radical feminist that they would have a possibility to meet up with me when I was visiting the city. I would like to know why this type of information would be “serious” (in a negative way?) What process do you wish for?
YOU # 2: there are people living here who think you are paranoid and accusing people because you don’t trust anyone. anyways, i’m 1000% sure that the local community will have a consensus (in fact it already has) that you cannot come to this flat in jan-february, that’s for sure and nobody talked about afterwards, but basically this is sure, and probably it will be true for the infoshop and freeshop too.
2a) I wrote to (k) and she said that she is totally influenced by you and (mx), and at the same time she points out that it’s fair to hear all parties out before a reasonable, fair decision can be reached.
2b) We have a fundamentally different idea on the practice of consensus. The way it’s been practiced in Budapest regarding my exclusion, has strong similarities with totalitarian fascist politics, and I would therefor find it vital to talk about the process behind this consensus that you mention in your mail to me, as a newcomer to the city.
2c) I would like to know who you include in the expression “local community” – and in what way this community was involved in, and taking part in the statements that you are making on my exclusion from the community flat, infoshop and freeshop.
[especially since i’ve heard that your opinions and statements about me has had a strong influence on other persons.]
YOU # 3: I think you will have lot of troubles getting to know the small scene here – it’s really fucking small, so you will be directly or very fast banned and there will be gossips and everything, I don’t think you want to experience but exactly the opposite: since you know about the situation here – and don’t act like you don’t know what the hell i’m talking about because we both know anyways – well i’m thinking about whether you want to come here to re-live being banned and then have something to complain about?
3a) that I will be directly and very fast banned and that there will be rumors and gossip spread about me, is once again something that I see related to a seriously dysfunctional discussion culture (the politics of “sameness”, and exclusion of unwanted ideas/ practices without first having a discussion about these differences – is once again something that i see going against the idea of nonauthoritarian / horizontal decision making)
3b) since I know that you, (h), is one of the persons influencing other with your ideas of me, I also see that there’s a threat in you telling me that I will come to Budapest and with a certainty re-live being banned.
3c) i also find it unfortunate that you would use the word “complain”, instead of seeing the work i do as awareness raising, and trying to raise an open inclusive political discussion on the topic of exclusion and decision making and discussion culture within the radical left.
3d) i would like to get clarification in what it is that you assume that we both know – and why you tell me I should not pretend that I don’t know what you are talking about? (since I really don’t know what it is you are referring to)
YOU # 4: i don’t understand why you want to come here and I can only tell you it’s not a good idea and don’t do it, if you ask me. or take in consideration that you won’t be welcome and even (d) cannot help in this, i think.
4a) as i wrote to you before, i was going to Budapest because I experienced a positive connection with (d) – who also helped me get in contact with several interesting persons in the Budapest scene. during my time there I managed to initiate a feminist self-defense group, a group consisting of women from the p-collective, labris, and nane. i consider this to be fairly successful work, and i’m happy that i managed to achieve this inspite of the emotional stress i was going through because of the strange and unfair politics that occured within the infoshop, community flat, freeshop collective.
4b) the non-welcoming atmosphere from you, (h), speaking for the infoshop >> “People who come to Budapest for the first time can get in touch with the antiauthoritarian political underground.” << I see as an expression of there being an absolute need for a talk on what kind of process you’re interested in having and maintaining within your collective.
( ! ! ! )
So, I would like to meet and talk with you (h) about this somewhere between March 25-31st or April 1-6th. (a group talk, with persons that feel involved or related to what’s going on with the community flat, infoshop, freeshop – or “the scene” in general.)
What date would be possible for you? answer this asap, please.
Even half an hour is good enough for me in order to get these important discussions started, of course I would wish that you could reconsider and take some more time for it. But since half an hour is what you’ve reserved for it so far – the questions above are questions that I would like to have answered at this meeting.
in struggle for
(me) – Radical Feminist, Human Being
t r a n s p a r e n c y:
(d) didn’t reply to the email on my request for a third person as support, reading the email exchange between you (h) and i. so i contacted her over a chat in order to find out if she would be okay with this. and here’s an excerpt of the conversation, where she okays taking part in the exchange of trying to arrange a meeting. i will also publish this email on this blog.
there’s probably a whole lot of things that would be triggering for you (h). just as there’s a whole lot of things that trigger me in the things that you say and write. [if there are things that are triggering for you in this communication (d), i hope that you are also speaking about it openly, i don’t expect you to be an outsider/alien in this process. feel free to speak whatever comes to mind.]
i can explain what i mean with “insane” and “oppressive”. i can point out words and phrases and say how i feel when i see these words and phrases. this way we would be able to come to an understanding about something that is truly hurtful (*and* damaging for the *movement* – splitting processes, or stopping them, before they even get started. or as i would call it: the process of maintaining status quo.)
[2:36:46 AM] (me) : hmm. are you there?
[2:37:25 AM] (d): yes
[2:37:32 AM] (d): i have linux now… trying it out
[2:38:11 AM] (me): how are you?
[2:38:44 AM] (me): (or is that a difficult question? sometimes i really really hate hearing that question.)
[2:40:33 AM] (me): anyhow. wondering about the (h)-(mx)-exclusion- thingy. are you okay with witnessing? i’m pushing for an answer, cause i guess i will completely confused with time and everything as usual on the road, and i don’t want the opportunity to slip away.
[2:40:52 AM] (me): (well. “opportunity” or whatever i should call it.)
[2:41:03 AM] (d): what witnessing?
[2:41:28 AM] (me): like i sent you and (h) an email where i was saying that i can’t stand speaking with her alone anymore.
[2:41:39 AM (me): cause it’s just totally oppressive
[2:41:41 AM] (me): not nice
[2:41:58 AM] (me): so, it helps if there’s a third person
[2:42:05 AM] (d): ok
[2:42:06 AM] (me): then i don’t feel so exposed and alone
[2:42:17 AM] (me): did you get the email?
[2:44:35 AM] (me): cause you didn’t respond to it.
[2:47:03 AM] (me): hmm. like i don’t know if you’re drunk. or chatting or doing something. or technical problem. or just avoiding.
[2:47:07 AM] (me): drunk?
[2:47:33 AM] (d): trying to make linux work
[2:47:33 AM] (d): getting annoyed with it
[2:47:46 AM] (d): drinking beer to get tired enough
[2:47:46 AM] (d): have to get up at 7
[2:47:50 AM] (d): i got the mails
[2:47:58 AM] (d): but its too long
[2:47:58 AM] (d): didnt have time to read
[2:48:01 AM] (d): will read it sometime
[2:48:03 AM] (d): maybe in Berlin
[2:48:13 AM] (me): it’s better if i ask now. okay?
[2:48:25 AM] (me): cause it’s *really* important to me
[2:48:27 AM] (d): ask whatever you like
[2:49:33 AM] (me): i sent you and (h) an email, where i asked if you would be willing to be there as a third person, when deciding – trying to make clear – what and when and where the meeting with (h) + others would be.
[2:50:04 AM] (d): but im not going to be in Hungary so its only in mail
[2:50:09 AM] (me): yes
[2:50:20 AM] (d): i read that one
[2:50:22 AM] (d): had nothing to add
[2:50:29 AM] (d): cause you want to meet (h)
[2:51:07 AM] (me): i don’t understand what you mean? (or maybe: you didn’t understand what i asked for in the email?)
[2:51:22 AM] (me): nothing to add cause i want to meet (h)
[2:51:25 AM](me): ?
[2:51:50 AM] (d): yea
[2:51:55 AM] (d): what should i say?
[2:52:04 AM] (d): “(h)pls meet (me)?”
[2:52:07 AM] (me): no
[2:52:23 AM] (me): what i was asking for in the email was that you would be there as a support person.
[2:52:27 AM] (me): so i dont feel alone
[2:52:34 AM] (me): i consider her to be totally insane
[2:52:40 AM] (me): i dont feel comfortable with her
[2:52:48 AM] (me): shes completely oppressive
[2:52:57 AM] (me): so if there’s a third person there i feel more safe
[2:53:11 AM] (me): cause there’s the constant “i don’t understand what you mean”
[2:53:15 AM] (me): coming from her
[2:53:22 AM] (me): and then i just feel totally crazy
[2:53:28 AM] (me): not being able to explain anything
[2:53:33 AM] (me): and if you would be there
[2:53:40 AM] (me): and since you know this person
[2:53:58 AM] (me): then maybe you would also be able to help out with clarifying comments (if necessary)
[2:54:05 AM] (me): it should be fairly simple now.
[2:54:38 AM] (me): just to arrange a place for the half an hour (which in itself is outrageously sad)
[2:54:46 AM] (me): the half an hour she promised
[2:55:02 AM] (me): and try to get somekind of sensible thing out of that.
[2:55:26 AM] (me): but yes. the only thing i’m asking for is supportive “third person presence” by you
[2:55:55 AM] (me): like (s) did when speaking with the woman who told people on the social centre mailing list that i was mentally ill.
[2:56:53 AM] (me): is it clear now what i’m asking for?
[2:57:53 AM] (me): are you okay with this?
[2:58:14 AM] (d): i cant be there physically
[2:58:21 AM] (d): and even when i was there in Vienna
[2:58:25 AM] (d): it was the same
[2:58:54 AM] (d): but i read the mail if it makes you feel better
[2:59:16 AM] (me): the mail i sent you?
[2:59:56 AM] (me): (how much have you been drinking?)
[3:00:04 AM] (d): the 3 person mail
[3:00:19 AM] (d): 3-4 beers
[3:00:42 AM] (me): trying to understand. that you’re okay with witnessing?
[3:04:37 AM] (me): like i have no idea how it will work out. i just know i’m not fine with dropping the opportunity of getting the shitty exclusion situation discussed. cause it’s still not a political issue. just me being this aggressive type that it’s totally okay to ban and kick out. i can’t accept that. i can’t accept this shitty behavior from people who are supposed to be “antiauthoritarian” “antisexist” etc
[3:05:55 AM] (me): linux…?
[3:06:24 AM] (d): linux
[3:06:27 AM] (d): but i already said im ok if you send me the letters aswellú
[3:06:44 AM] (me): for me it’s important that everything is really clear.
[3:06:52 AM] (me): because if things fuck up
[3:06:59 AM] (me): i easily get hurt
[3:07:02 AM] (me): like damaged
[3:07:12 AM] (me): so i need to be really sure of what’s going on
[3:07:25 AM] (me): and now i know.
[3:07:36 AM] (me): i can send you the letters as well.
[3:07:59 AM] (me): (it’s still a bit strange to me that you didn’t answer the email)
[3:08:08 AM] (me): maybe lack of empathy
[3:08:10 AM] (me): ?
[3:08:53 AM] (me): okay. i will send an email with this chat.
[3:09:02 AM] (me): since you didn’t reply to the email.
[3:09:10 AM] (me): just to show how the decision was made.
[3:09:26 AM] (me): and then i’ll suggest a time and place as well.
[3:09:36 AM] (me): okay?
[3:09:45 AM] (d): i think we really differ
[3:09:52 AM] (d): you are a graphomaniac
[3:20:31 AM] (me): aah. just checking again. i will send the part from the chat about you being okay with being third presence. okay?
[3:21:05 AM] (me): (i mean i really need to be this precise. like not freak out later about weird misunderstandings.)
[3:21:32 AM] (d): ok
[3:21:57 AM] (d): just saying: you posting stuff on the blog about (h) and (mx) will freak them out
[3:22:04 AM] (d): i dont think they read your blog
[3:22:08 AM] (d): but if they find out…
[3:22:19 AM] (me): (h) was reading the blog before.
[3:22:26 AM] (me): i don’t know.
[3:22:34 AM] (me): they are already totally freaked out
[3:22:42 AM] (me): i think