Winter Solstice

some days ago, i was invited to celebrate the winter soltice. light torches. a man had made a speech, with the sun giving life in the spring, making the vegetables sweet. and that life has a continuous dynamic of growing and dying away. that the sun now was at it lowest, and now it was also time for new beginnings.

on my way over. i had felt so much sadness and rage. sitting on the bus. having strong images of breaking the window. passing by the area of one of the squatted houses. remembering all the damage. all the pain. understanding that my life had been like this for over a year. no love. a waste of energy. (my strategy is that it’s best to share love where it will be passed on and can grow, give it to persons who can cherish it, this way we get more and more. if we focus on places where it’s not understood or appreciated, it gets wasted. it hits a wall.)

i cried. realizing that once again i’m at some place where i need to make a choice of some sort. how to go on.

to winter solstice story helped me. but i didn’t know how to connect with it, untill the day after. waking up, thinking of Andrea Dworkin’s powerful words.

From Our Blood: Prophecies and Discourses on Sexual Politics

“Does the sun ask itself,

“Am I good? Am I worthwhile?

Is there enough of me?”

No, it burns and it shines.

Does the sun ask itself,

“What does the moon think of me?

How does Mars feel about me today?”

No it burns, it shines.

Does the sun ask itself,

“Am I as big as other suns in other galaxies?”

No, it burns, it shines.”

this is the new beginning. the sun will burn and shine. and so will i.

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