contacted a woman who was filming a demonstration i did outside/inside the squat. walking around with a sign saying “embrace [hug hug hug] an anarcha-radical feminist for democracy and social justice”.
she’s been showing it in Johannesburg. and it seems like i can get a copy here, to show wherever there would be an interest for it. this was in May. i can’t get over how long this conflict has been going. and all the time i’ve been asking myself. why? what’s so threatening and dangerous with my ideas? why are people behaving so insane?
so maybe if i get hold of this film before december 13th, this could be shown, in order to figure out what was “disturbing” with my demonstrations.
and. not really sure if i’ll manage to get some facilitation for the meeting. but, since i’m feeling a bit better, maybe it won’t matter. the whole thing is a joke anyways. i can’t take the politics of the squat seriously. being treated this way. “anti-sexism” my ass. go ahead. ban me…
since there’s supposed to be a part of the meeting where it would be possible to not have me present (i would so love to split that into groups. so that the people who feel like doing behind the curtain politics, would have to stand up, and walk out of the room. to openly take a stand for the politics that they do. secretive, non-democratic. it’s insulting and re-victimizing putting me in a position where i will once again be treated as dirt. “get her out!” it’s not fair. i think the people who want to have a secret meeting, should arrange that by themselves. talk about whatever they feel they need to talk about before this meeting. i mean they’ve had 10 months of bullying already, is it really needed to rub it in my face, just one more last time. does it really feel that good?)
it would be nice if i could then point at people whose power abuse i’ve been suffering during this time. and have them leave the room. so that i can discuss “freely”. without the pressure of the bullies presence. maybe more people would be able to speak as well. “you you you you and you. out!” so they would feel what it’s like.
it’s still just really really sick. there should be APOLOGIES. and ACTIONS to IMPROVE the horrible atmosphere these people create. not once again. “is it really worth lifting her bans? let’s have a meeting to discuss, if we should arrange another meeting where ‘we’ can decide if we should lift her bans or not.” still no focus on sexism. just: burn the ungrateful witch.
what is the difference between the squat and any totalitarian state? could somebody explain?
and i decided to stop pushing the project of getting some structure for dealing with cases of sexual / gendered / other harassment. i don’t have the energy. and there’s enough work on that done already. a draft that would be possible to develop. it would take a group taking it further. but if one feminist woman can’t even get support in this community, i don’t really see any hope in there being any continuation of that idea.
just the usual “we are against sexism, so we don’t need anything like that”.