giving an update.
i guess what’s happening now is that i’m contacting people, trying to find persons interested and with experience from conflict resolution. it would make it easier to really get to that loving atmosphere that i’d like to have at the meeting december 13th. and at the same time i’ve been in great need of empathy myself so this really feels like i’m forcing myself to do something that i’m not ready to give out of my own free will. but it’s the last time, and i’ve been focusing intensly on this. so it’s something i want at the same time. it’s just the unjust treatment and shaming and blaming i’m sick of. i want respect.
speaking of which. what i hear other persons saying about this project (and yeah sure myself as well). heteronormative. fascist. sect. insane. crazy. sexist. and so on. all because of the type of atmosphere that is created at meetings and in the place at large by peoples behavior. the love that is there, is only shared by a few on the inside, and most of that love is focused around some head figures and what they want.
i wish there would be some rebellion of some sort. or at least the peaceful revolution i’ve suggested in the blog. equal space to create the society we wish for. no more political bickering. just time and space to realize ourselves and our dreams. no more good or bad guys. just people with equal space to speak think and act. many different types of house meetings. a chance for people to experience a different way of making consensus.
anyways. the other thing i’m about to do, is to go through the mails from the past. from the social centre mailing list. put it in documents. half a month each. read it through, and then make videos, speaking of whatever comes to mind. it would have been better to have this process documented from the start, but since my motto is “something is better than nothing”, i’m happy i’m doing this even though i would more feel like just pushing the content in a wastepaper basket and forget about it.
i will make the same with the communication with (m). these two processes are heavily interlinked. even though the contact with (m) started earlier.
what i tell can only be told from this moment in time, not what it was like then. cause so many things have changed in me and around me, and the process of telling the story will also change me.
got an email from a woman wanting to make a radio program about this thing. so that will be another opportunity to make myself heard on this issue.
and the polyamory group (network) is looking for a space to have monthly meetings every 15th of the month. i was suggesting the social centre. but i guess if the bans continue it would be idiotic to have it there, because it’s a community i want to take part in. so i’ll check with oranssi as well, at the autumn meeting this wednesday.
i’m still getting out of my protective shell. hardly go outside. when i’ve gone for walks, i usually start crying. it feels safer to stay at home. do some work. there’s no escape from the constant processing in my head. and i need to find more people that i can work with on this.
this has been a totally insane period for me. and now when i feel “normal”. i’m still far from ok.
what else: reading Dalai Lama and also Marshall B Rosenberg Nonviolent Communication – A Language of Compassion. i need to read them before the meeting. probably also other material, that can be useful.
of course these lyrics are also androcentric (male focused). talking about mama’s as the main sources of caring as if it’s not something we should all do. “living like they got no mama’s”… and then the rest of the text is only about “brothers” and wanting guidance from the “father” up above… totally patriarchal. but we’re all inconsistent and unaware. Maybe i should only put feminist lyrics on this blog… ?
but anyways. it’s full of good criticism. media only being about negative images. and that kids grow up wanting to be what they see in the imagery around them. like the skull and the molotov thing. i wouldn’t want to reproduce the same thing. male trauma. yeah. “i think the whole world [male culture being discussed as the ‘whole world’, instead of as the ‘dominant discourse’…] being addicted to the drama. only attracted to the things that’ll bring the trauma.”
“… in general, patriarchal culture is necrophilic, fixated on hatred of life and love of death.” Mary Daly
“Tokenism – which is commonly guised as Equal Rights … yields token victories …” Mary Daly