many times my mind turn to a theatre play i saw with a person who i simply don’t understand (i guy having problems reflecting on her own internalized sexism). it was a fictional play, based on Valerie Solanas’ life. she’s alone, insane, dying. remembering her life in a feverish haze.
i cried when i saw it. because i recognize my own impossible position. and how easily i could be her. but now, she opened up space, for people like me. i don’t have to go through the same fate. cause i know what caused her isolation and insanity. and i know i’m not alone in seeing those same structures, around us here and now.
the play was written by a swedish woman. the movement is stronger there. there’s a recognition that there’s a power imbalance between men and women. men having privilege and women being oppressed. there are equality programs in schools and kindergartens. working on deconstructing gender. recognizing that this isn’t only a “women’s” issue, but that it’s an issue for everyone.
in finland there isn’t even a recognition of that there’s a problem. very often i get to hear that i’m not oppressed, and that men are the ones who are really oppressed in this society. there’s a general culture of pitying men in this society. women are only angry power hungry bitches.
especially the feminist ones.
i don’t want to go crazy like Solanas. i don’t think i have to. she wrote very clearly of what i still live with today. 40 years later on.
todays conflict update:
got email contact with (o). i requested for her to agree with speaking with (D) as well, in order to get some more input. there was the usual detached tone in the mail. not really empathizing with my situation. and i can’t deal with that attitude anymore. playing along with that i should be shunned and cast aside, shamed and blamed. and that i should be more understanding. i can not go along with that anymore. i want to hear sincere apologies. and asked what i think should happen next. not just be “forgiven” and taken back “in” to a severely dysfunctional place. or that i should “understand” that the place is dysfunctional and shouldn’t stress the dysfunctional non-caring people in it. because that would make me an even more horrible monster than what i’ve been painted out to be so far.
yeah. i have no pretty feelings. no smiles.
and (Y) made a friends request over face book. maybe she would be an ally? she’s been totally dominating towards me. calls herself a feminist, but i doubt that she ever read anything about it. i’ve only heard her use the word in order to put me down. (happens often here in finland)
but maybe i know enough nonviolent communication now (not the stuff used above…) in order to deal with a conversation. anybody who’s willing to be in contact with me now, is worth talking to. i could ask if (p) could contact her, to see what she wants.